some angry barista

Remind Me Again

artandwords — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 06:48:08 -0400

About the amount of fucks which I do not give. Please explain to me why you feel that it is within my responsibility to know (using my Jedi mind tricks) that your incompetent boyfriend wanted me to reload his card first before his transaction?

Oh wait. Because he handed me a five dollar bill and said explicitly that it was “all he had.” By logic, I rung his (or should I say your, because he’s your bitch) drink up as a cash transaction. And what do I know? The next thing I see is your looming figure over the counter with your receipt in hand for a drink that you pay $3.05 for when you should be paying more (but you’re too much of a loophole-abusing cheap bastard), demanding a phone number to corporate so they could “fix this problem.”

I state at his receipt, then at him, blankly. “What problem?” I ask. “Is there any way you can put this transaction on my Starbucks card?” I answer, “No… There isn’t. Once you’ve been rung up as a cash transaction, there is no way to transfer that onto your card.” Abruptly, he replies, “Well, we always reload our card with cash first before the transaction.”

Hold on there, asshole. First of all, no you don’t. Your pussy-whipped bitch over there with his laptop might, since he seems to be coerced into paying for your drink 99% of the time, and 99% of the time he’s struggling to scrounge up change after his card has failed to cover your drink (which in reality, should be well over $4 for an iced Venti breve vanilla latte with 6 ice cubes). Second of all, he didn’t even say the word “reload” during any duration of our interaction, nor did he show any intention of reloading your card. Third, when the fuck was I expected to be a mind reader in addition to being a barista? Did I miss that fucking memo?

Point being, is that you’re just angry at me for making you pay for what’re you’re getting when I rung your drink up with cash and not your gold card. Well, sorry I don’t have telepathic abilities… Wait, no I’m not.

I just feel sorry for my sanity for having to put up with a cheap bastard who can’t even get over having to pay for vanilla and extra dairy… You Oompa loompa Quasimodo looking fool.

follow the white russian.: barista blog entry

artandwords — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 13:54:44 -0500

follow the white russian.: barista blog entry:

merkovski:

Two months ago.

I was having an uber-shitty day, and was working an uber-long shift.

It was near closing time and I was the only one on the floor, my coworkers cleaning in the backroom. Two teenage girls run in, screaming with laughter, and stumble up to the register.

girl: “How much is that?”…

Photo

artandwords — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 19:07:50 -0500

It Might Be Bad That I Don't Attempt To Hide My Blatant Disapproval Of Asshole Customers

artandwords — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 15:21:01 -0500

… I felt bad for 5 seconds, but then my conscience didn’t agree.

So what did I do? Continued showcasing my face, contorted by half disbelief and half disgust. Whoops.

Dear con-artists,

artandwords — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 17:28:13 -0500

Shame on you. If you can’t afford to buy a beverage or any other product from us, S-K-I-D-A-D-D-L-E. Fuck making your three dollar drink into a free refill. I wrote that cup last night - funny how you brought it back as a “refill” that you bought today. Unless I have a goddamn doppelganger, that couldn’t be possible… so fuck you.

Holiday Season = Fuckkkkkkk!!!!

artandwords — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 15:34:52 -0400

"I come to Starbucks 3 times a day, I know what my drink is supposed to look/taste like."

artandwords — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 21:16:22 -0400

That’s funny that you say that, because chances are, I am here in the same store for SEVEN TO EIGHT HOURS A DAY, FIVE DAYS OUT OF THE WEEK. I am pretty confident that I know just what the fuck I am doing. I also know that our vanilla soy also congeals at times, but there is nothing wrong with the milk. But for you to not even: taste it and see if you’re alright with it, accuse me of using “the wrong milk” because you know what it’s “supposed to look like,” and sigh as if you’re displeased even though the drink was made exactly how you ordered it, somehow that doesn’t sit well with me. Take your drink and go fuck yourself! Have a good day!

follow the white russian.: barista blog entry

artandwords — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 15:56:59 -0400

follow the white russian.: barista blog entry:

merkovski:

The Decafinites.

First off, I completely understand how forgetting to make a drink decaf is arguably the biggest mistake a barista can make. Now, on to business.

Hi. I’m Mike, and I’ve been a barista for a little over 4 years. I prefer being on bar making drinks versus being on register. Making…

Excuse Me While I Shoot Myself in the Face

artandwords — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 02:00:00 -0400

It’s already been a hectic day, and QASA (the Nazis of food safety and cleanliness) left us with a score of 77.9%. Needless to say, our manager wasn’t in the best of moods. On top of that, the frappalanche from cold bar seems to be never-ending. I’m stuck on cold bar, our drive thru headset is having problems because it won’t “ding” every time a customer drives by, and the construction out front makes it seem like we’re closed. This leads to dumb people driving past the box thinking that we’re closed (um, hello? There are 50 other cars in front of you) and countless drinks being made on the fly because they ordered at the window. Taking every order not knowing if the car is pulled up all the way can get a bit frustrating, and it got to the point where I would say the order not knowing what I am saying exactly… I felt like a robot. In the one ear and out through the other. Gah! To top it off, maybe it was the heat making people more retarded or it was just me being plain fucking angry, but I was just about to lose my cool when some doucher said:

Him: Can I get a mocha chip frappuccino?

Me: Sure! Do you mean the java chip frappuccino? Him: (louder) A MOCHA CHIP FRAPPUCINO?

Me: I heard that. Do you want coffee in it or no coffee? The one with coffee is called “java chip frappuccino”, and the one without coffee is the “double chocolaty chip frappuccino.”

Him: Uhh… I don’t know. With coffee. The mocha chip one.

At this point, I was quite frankly about to stab myself in the eye with a goddamn straw. JESUS H. CHRIST. I literally put the blender down, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath.

Me: Alright. The JAVA CHIP frappuccino you said? We’ll see you at the window, sir.

Just like the customer who repeatedly asked if we could do our vanilla bean frappuccino “light.” No, we cannot. The most we can do is used nonfat milk and no whipped cream. I must have repeated myself four times - and no, the answer still remains the same. Hey people, you know those things on the sides of your ears? They’re not just for show, ya know? Using them might work out in your favor.

/endrant.

To the people who sit at the end of my bar and watch every move I make so I don't "mess up their drink"

artandwords — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 03:00:54 -0400

see-cecilia-run:

coming through the drive-thru and not even making eye contact? letting your hand hang out the window and having me trying to maneuver a 160° beverage into your hand? i hope it spills all over you, douche.

artandwords — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 13:50:23 -0400

Have a good fucking day :).

meet my phantoms.: confessions of a barista. #7

artandwords — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 13:47:27 -0400

meet my phantoms.: confessions of a barista. #7:

ninjendo:

customer: “don’t put so much ice in there, you are going to dilute it.”

me: “okay, next time at the register ask for light ice.”

customer: “well i don’t remember ever getting that much ice…”

my mind: WELL I DON’T REMEMBER GIVING A FUCK.

someone is clearly making your drink wrong if they aren’t…

Photo

artandwords — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 07:47:00 -0400

when you're wiggling your credit card in my face as i'm trying to punch in your order, don't be surprised when you look up and your hand is missing.

artandwords — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 07:23:22 -0400

Have some patience, asshole.

to all baristas:

artandwords — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 07:22:00 -0400

Angry or not, this site was made especially for baristas such as you and I. Its purpose is to share and capture all of those moments that make us want to reach across the counter and uppercut somebody. I know - we have all experienced those delightful encounters, so share them with your fellow baristas. Feel free to make your own additions to this blog up top!

Oh, and to clarify… I’m not angry all the time. I promise ;).